The Darndest Stuff Kids Do

The Little Red Bedtime Book .com

Joshua stepped up to a whole new level, I saw the toaster oven on and
guess what he was "cooking' SNAILS! Yes, SNAILS....
I was like, "OMG are you kidding me!"

The Things Children Do!
The Funniest Stuff Kids Have done as described by their parents!

Never do these things at home or anywhere!
Serious bodily injury (That means pain) and or insult may result.
Nobody wants to see you hurt or disfigured.
Always ask an adult and or legal guardian (Your mother or Father) before doing, experimenting, or playing with
anything.
When your parent or Guardian says "No", theres a good reason for it and it is usually to protect you.

We had to unplug the new vacuum (piece of junk). The good thing is, boys who like to tinker can use a
project...so Jake got to work with a chopstick digging dirt out of the hose.
How disgusting, gratifying to him, though!

Lately I am finding screws around the house & I can't figure out where they have come from. I
just caught Jag standing in front of the cooktop with a screw in his hand. I said, "what are you
doing?". He said "this just came loose".

I'm having a little bit of a heart attack...Sawyer trying to do her standing
backhandsprings....by herself on our mats! I'm pretty sure she might actually break her
neck (she lands a little on her face every time), but she won't give up...

Is it too much to ask that a child sit @ the table without any yelling, burping, farting, singing throwing food, spitting
things on your plate or crawling under the table? Can we JUST eat dinner & have some nice family conversation?

I was cleaning up the house a bit (this is necessary when the Jag man spends time with dad at home). As I pick up his cars
and backpack I think wow, this is heavy! So, like any mom (not dad) would do...I open it. I didn't find books like I expected...
I found a package of frozen meat & 3 glasses. LOL

My poor Kendall wants the dog to sleep in her room SOOOOOOO badly. She has bribed him with pepperoni sticks, cheese
etc. She even made a bed for him with soft pillows, a bowl of water & covered him in her silky purple blanket. As soon as the
treat is gone...he bolts! I found him wandering around the kitchen with a blankie on his back. I should have taken a
picture....she loves him so much!

Kids are upstairs playing & Kaelin comes downstairs to ask me something. I say to her,
please make sure you are including your brother (she has a friend over). Before I can finish
my sentence she says "We ARE, he's the dog & he's in his kennel right now".

Jag comes over & I notice his face is green. I walk over to investigate (please not the sharpie) & I find his hands, the floor &
carpet are also green. Turns out one of my children left a "dippin' stick" on the counter full of GREEN coolaid. Did I
mention I JUST had my carpets professionally cleaned...

As I was leaving to pick up the girls, Jag heads out to the car (or so I think). A few minutes go by & I follow, no Jag. I
call his name & he comes around the corner he is holding 6 green tomatoes (this is not the 1st time). Between him &
the weather I am pretty sure I won't get a single tomato from the garden this year!

Jag: "Mom.....Judo is eating the gingerbread house!" Me "How did he get it?" Jag: "He just took it." Me: "Are
you going to tell me that the dog climbed up on the dining room table & took Kaelins Gingerbread house?
Then put it on the floor in the toy room & is now eating it?" Jag: "Well I needed it for my train station."

I Have long since abandoned the child lock theory (Jaeger can open them so why bother). When
I put them on I used the expensive kind that open with a magnet. They are still on the cabinets
but are locked open........can anyone guess what is currently happening at my house? And does
anyone have a magnet laying around.....it's kinda urgent!

Joshua the Houdini of "baby locks" got disinfecting wipes and is "cleaning". He said "I make the messes I clean them" Not
entirely true but hey if it helps him clean I will buy more..keep cleaning 'Lil' dude

Joshua was talking to my dad saying "Gwass, No GWASS wike a wightbulb..G.W.ASS" (he thought he heard glass break
outside). Then he comes over to me & says quietly "Is your dad deaf?" Grandpa said "No I am not deaf do you speak
english?"

Yesterday when I came home from work Joshua gave me four envelopes he had "written" on & sealed....It
was "15 hundred dowars and tickets to go to South America for me you and Asia and you can pick
someone else"

Apparently my son thinks my dog doesn't need her entire ear and cut it in
half with a scissor... Did not realize how vascular the ear is... My house
looked like a murder scene... No joke!

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The boys hid my purse in the garage the other day. My mom, Beca and I
searched for about 10 minutes before the boys finally came forward and
admitted guilt! Nice, eh?

Hubby took the Jag man on a road trip. This means I only have two kids to take care
of. Wow what a difference 1 Jag makes. I miss the little booger though! Anyone who
tells you that the jump from 2 to 3 kids is no big deal is lying!!

I took a shower today. Why is this significant, you ask? Well, Jaeger got a hold of a super sized container of
very fine glitter. Being JAEGER, like he is, he dumpted the ENTIRE container. He said, he wanted to be
"magical". After cleaning it up, I discovered that I am now magical, along with everything I own. So, NO I did
not take up a new profession which requires me to wear body glitter! I am just magical!

The Darndest Stuff Kids Do!

True
stories
of the
not yet
famous!

Very irritated that Joshua took my cell last night and hid it, now he
doesn't remember where it is...

Candice: "I am horrified! My 5 year old was kissing a boy on the bus just last week,
today they broke up, he called her a "fart-head" She is so upset. OMG!!! I am so not
ready for this."

I didnt have a car 4 a year due to money problems and i was crying one day because none of my so called 'friends'
would help me and my 4 year old son tore up his toy box and got his play money and handed to me and said ''here
mommy please dont cry,now u can buy a car'' and i cried and cried. . .

I Dont like you mommy

I heard clanking in the kitchen
and this is what I found...
The pictures tell this kids story!

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A good mom chokes down cold coffee & a breakfast sandwhich at 7am even when she isn't remotely hungry. I am so
blessed to have my 3 happy little people. They saw that I needed a little extra TLC and set their alarms to get up an
servce me a "special" breakfast (prepared completely by them) and topped it off with homemade cards and gifts. I love
them so much (even if they did get the money in my gift out of my purse). Thank you Lord for giving me 3 healthy
kids!!!!!!